Doug Lefler

Noctural Patrol

Twice a day I venture from home with a Miniature Schnauzer by my side. Women smile. “Ahhh — he’s so cute!” they say. I assume they are referring to the dog.  Ziggy would take exception to this if he understood human speech. These walks are not for pleasure. He is on patrol.

Ziggy sniffs as we go and I can see him making mental notes of “hot spots”, mostly near storm drains and man hole covers; places where “they” are likely to emerge.

Later, when my wife and I are asleep, I know he sneaks out and hunts the undead.

Most people think Miniature Schnauzers were bred to catch vermin.  Not true. In fact, their original purpose was to track down zombies, and rip them limb from limb. Ziggy must be particularly good at it.  How do I know?  Consult the facts. In the two years since we adopted him there has not been a single reported incidence of malicious behavior from animated corpses. Not a single brain has been eaten. Not one!  The only possible explanation for this is that Ziggy dispatches all zombies before they create mischief.  I have been tempted to follow him on his nocturnal excursions, and witness this activity first hand, but I don’t have the stomach for it.

Why does he do it?  Why risk life and paw to protect innocent people?  I’ve spent long hours pondering this question and come to the conclusion that it is simply what he does.  It is what he was born to do.   Ziggy asks nothing in return except a bowl of kibble in the morning, a dried chicken breast in the evening and a comfortable couch to nap on when he’s weary from combat.

But I sleep better at night knowing my brain is safe inside my head and there is a Miniature Schnauzer on guard outside the door.

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